i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
