yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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