i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
