Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
