don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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