if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
