That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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