Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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