dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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