I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm both gender and math confused
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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