also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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