so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
