The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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