all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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