Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
