why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
