i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
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KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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