drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
