The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
