got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
