somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
