Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
