You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
