Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
