i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
