after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
