Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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