i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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