That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My vagina is officially offended.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
