It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
