Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
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I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
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I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize