I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
