I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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