I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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