Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
