I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
