Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
