I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
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I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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