I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
