i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
