I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
