Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My breasts were aching with rage.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
