I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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