Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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