All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
