All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
