I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
