Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want a musical about memes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
