I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
