And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize