I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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