I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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