do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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