So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
