this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
