I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it was like eating out sand paper
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
how drunk are you?
Several
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
