She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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