it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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