i barfeds in our rink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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