finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
