yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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