I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
