Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
