I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
