I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
