apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
