In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
