i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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