Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
