I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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