Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
