Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
