how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
