so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Holy sore nipples Batman
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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