I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
