Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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