I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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