We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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